I received an e-mail today from someone in my organization who said that entrepreneurs and business professionals really need help in management, sales, accounting, taxes and many other issues.  So far, so good–I couldn’t agree more!

Then he suggested that our organization would be so much better if we provided that kind of training. Whoa–stop!  Here’s where we part ways.  You see, I’ve heard that many times over the years.  It tends to come from groups that are struggling, and they’re looking for something to provide all the answers to a myriad of problems.  This sounds really good and I understand where the frustration is coming from–unfortunately, it just doesn’t work.

Many years ago as a business consultant, I saw a lot of my clients bounce around from one product or service to another.  They were chasing projects down rabbit trails because someone said they should be doing this element or that element of the business.  They didn’t specialize.  They tried to be all things to all people.  They ended up being good at nothing at all. 

When it comes to being a truly great organization, I believe that a  jack-of-all-trades is a master of none.   Instead, I believe that you should focus on your organization’s core competencies.   Do what you are good at, and do it better than anyone else.

There are many, many companies that are MUCH better at teaching business people about management, sales, taxes, etc.  My networking organization is not an expert in taxes or business management.  Organizations such as iLearningGlobal provide more content from more experts than we ever could.  We shouldn’t even try to be “the” expert in these areas.  In fact, we are not and never will be the leading organization on sales training.  Organizations such as Brian Tracy University are much better in this field than we are.  If we try to do that–we change our core business model and lose our focus.

Don’t try to be all things to all people.  Do what you are best at and do it better than anyone else in the world.  My company, BNI, is myopic.  We do one thing and, based on results (thousands of groups in dozens of countries), we do it better than anyone else.  We help people build their business through a structured referral networking program.  We are the biggest and the best at what we do, and we don’t try to be the best at other things.

Great companies know what business they are in, and they focus on improving that business every day.

Do you have balance in your life?  Personal and professional balance in our lives seems to be the ever-elusive dream for many of us.  Trying to balance home, work, health, spirituality and free time seems almost impossible.  It is something that businesspeople have told me for years.

Well, I am pleased to tell you that I believe I’ve found the answer to creating balance in your life.   Are you ready?  Write this down. Here it is:  Forget about balance, you’ll never have it!

I can hear you now . . . “What?!  No balance?!? That can’t be!  It’s just not right!” But wait . . . there IS good news.  Although I don’t think balance is possible, I do believe you can create harmony in your life.  This differentiation is more than just semantics.  It is a critical approach to looking at life that can free you up to see the world in a different way.

“Balance” assumes that we spend an equal amount of time in all or most areas of our life.  It is like the image of the scales (see the picture at right) where everything is completely in balance and equal.  It assumes that we must spend a certain portion of each week devoted in some equal measure to every item important in our life.

Well, the problem with that is that almost no one can really achieve that.  Especially entrepreneurs, professionals and salespeople.  We tend to live such hectic, busy lives that it is incredibly difficult to fit it all in.  Women often tell me that this issue is an even bigger problem for them.

So what do we do about this?  For me, it’s about creating harmony.  Just look at the image representing harmony  in this blog (see the yin yang symbol at right).  Even the image is lopsided when you look at one aspect at a time.  But it is the whole that feels complete.  This is a way to look at the issue that has personally worked for me.  Sometimes I work crazy, long hours for several days in a row.  Or I may be on the road traveling for business for many days at a time.  On the other hand, I am a husband and a father.  I need and want to be there for my family as well as have time for myself.  Long ago I figured out that daily balance is almost impossible.  But I found I could create harmony using a few core principles.

First, three simple words make a big difference to me: “Be here now.” Wherever you are, be there.  If you are at work, don’t think about the time you did not spend with the family the night before or what you should be doing with you significant other right now.  When you are at home, don’t think about the work you have to do at the office.  Wherever you are, be there . . . fully and completely.

Second, make sure to set aside time to do all the things that are truly important in your life. Yeah, I know everyone says that, but here’s my twist:  Be creative about how you manage this. For example, when I wrote my first book I didn’t want to be holed up in my office writing in the evening and not be available to my family.  I found a creative way to find that time that was in harmony with my family time.  A few evenings a month, I’d stay up with the family, put everyone to bed and then go into my office and start writing at 11 p.m. and work almost all night on my manuscript.  I’d catch a few hours of sleep and get into the office a little late to start my day.  I’m a late-night person and this worked for me.  It may not work for you.  However, my point is to be creative and inventive in finding ways YOU can accomplish what you need to do, yet still allow yourself to spend time doing the other things in your life that bring you harmony.  Nothing pleased me more than when I showed my children the book when it was published and they said to me . . . “When did you write that?!” They had no idea I was up late working several times a month.  That was harmony to me!

Third, find ways to integrate various elements of your life. For many years, I have spent weeks at a time up at my lake home in the mountains.  Each year, I spend a week or two working from the lake house remotely.  Now I bring up my staff and management team for short retreat/workdays.  It is a great way to combine my work life into a leisure environment.   Then, the last week or so, I take off COMPLETELY and spend time with my family.  By integrating my two worlds, I create a sense of harmony.

Last, remember this: when you are 70 years old, you are not going to wish you spent more time at the office. You don’t need to be a workaholic to be successful.

Focus on creating harmony in your life.  Be creative.  Don’t try to do the things I do or that someone else does.  Find ideas that work for you and the life you live.  Make the time to do the things that are important to you and be innovative.  Harmony is created where harmony is sought.  OK, that’s a bit “new age” sounding . . . but it is true.

I’m very interested to hear what you think of this approach and/or what do you do to create balance in your life.  Leave a comment and let me, and others reading this blog, know what has worked for you.

Before television there was radio. Before radio there were books. And before books there were storytellers. No matter what the medium–stone tablets, movies, grocery store tabloids, the internet–the story is central.

A good story stays with people and compels them to share it with others. It’s as true today as it was 2000 years ago–and it’s especially true of success stories. Everyone likes to hear them; everyone likes to have one. Do you see how this aligns perfectly with word-of-mouth marketing, where referrals are based on thousands of individual success stories? You see, every time one networker passes a referral to another, she is telling a story about a need fulfilled successfully or a problem solved effectively.

You can empower your network by writing down success stories about your business so that they won’t be forgotten and they can be told to other people. You also want to encourage your networking partners to swap stories with you so you can each keep the stories on file and use them to help find and refer great business opportunities to each other.

The key is to capture a truly compelling story–one that practically begs to be shared, one that the people in your network would actually have trouble keeping to themselves. The anatomy of a successful word-of-mouth story about your business is quite simple. It has a captivating beginning, an action-packed middle and a happy ending (and, conveniently, it will in most cases naturally outline for your referral partners what your perfect customer looks like). If you’re expecting other people to act on your story and share it, it must be a compelling story–and must have a positive outcome.

Chances are you have several great success stories about your business but, if not several, I’m sure you have at least one. So to start with, I’d like to challenge you to write down your business’s most compelling success story, ask at least one person on your word-of-mouth marketing team to do the same, and then share your stories with each other.

The more stories you share with other people, the more high-quality referrals you’ll get and the more success stories you’ll generate as you continue to network your business.

When it comes to networking, practice alone is not enough. It must be effective practice.  Just showing up at meetings and going through the motions will not improve your networking or your business.

In martial arts, the sensei (master) says, “Perfect practice makes perfect.” In other words, if you’re just going through the motions, you’re not learning and growing. Every time you do a kata (a system of basic body positioning and movement exercises in karate), you must do it as though you were in a tournament, or as though the sensei were there watching you. Only with that intensity of focus does one improve. The same applies to your networking efforts. If you’re applying the techniques halfheartedly, you’ll get less-than-acceptable results.

Practicing the skills necessary to become a good networker is important. But would-be networkers cannot expect to become master networkers  just by going through the motions. Take, for instance, the 60-second presentation or brief commercial you make every week when you attend many types of networking groups or various other organizations.  Most people come to the meeting unprepared and unrehearsed, with only a vague idea of what they will talk about. While others give their presentations, instead of listening, they’re thinking about how to say what they need to say. When their turn comes, they stumble through an amateurish, marginal presentation. Yes, they practiced, but it was far from perfect practice, and the results prove it.

If you’re a teacher, do you wing your lesson plan? The better teachers set goals and objectives for what they want their students to learn. They spend time planning exactly what they are going to cover in class, sometimes down to the exact wording, and they prepare visual aids and handouts that reinforce the subject matter and facilitate learning.

As a businessperson, you should have similar goals and objectives: What, exactly, do you want your listeners to learn about your business that they can pass along to prospects for a possible referral? If you’re vague about your lesson plan, if you’re unprepared to stand and deliver, your potential referral partners are going to leave the meeting without a clear idea of how to refer you. And you need to practice delivering your message. Standing up and winging it is not going to get you what you want. You have to practice it perfectly if your goal is perfection.

The following article was written by my friend and partner in the Referral Institute, Mike Macedonio. I wanted to share it with you here because it mentions some very important points regarding asking for referrals. After you read the article, I’d really like to hear what you have to say in response, so please feel free to post a comment.

Just Ask. Right? . . . No.
By Mike Macedonio

I was recently attending a BNI National Conference and there was a lot of effective networking going on. With the culture of “Givers Gain” there were participants offering to help one another and make connections. On several occasions I was also watching some businesspeople walk up to people who barely knew them and ask to be referred to their valued relationships. I felt a sense of awkwardness in the conversation.

I think what I was actually feeling was deja vu. I’ve been on the receiving end of the “referral ambush” before, when someone I may hardly be in the “Visibility” phase with is asking me to expose my reputation by referring them to one of my valued relationships. In some cases, I was even asked to promote them or their company to my entire database.

During the BNI Conference, there was one participant who approached the main speaker and introduced themself. Shortly into the conversation, they let the speaker know that they understood the speaker knew an internationally known personality and that they would like an introduction to that person in order to pitch their business to him. WOW . . . that was a big ask. So why did it feel inappropriate? Part of the reason is the stage of the referral process, or the VCP Process, that the attendee and speaker were engaged in.

VCP is the acronym Ivan Misner uses for Visibility, Credibility, and Profitability. In the Visibility stage, two people simply know of each other. If both people can state the other’s name and business, that would be considered a qualified Visibility relationship. Credibility is when the relationship between two people has developed and both parties hold a mutual trust for one another. Profitability is the ultimate referral relationship goal. In this stage, both parties are reciprocally referring each other business.

In the situation I observed at the national conference where the conference attendee asked for the referral to the internationally known personality, the attendee was merely in the pre-visibility stage with the speaker. It’s true that the attendee might have mistakenly felt that they were in the credibility phase with the speaker, maybe felt that they knew him, since they had been watching him connect with the audience repeatedly over the course of the three-day event. However, it’s important to always remember that credibility is something that is established over a substantial period of time–not just a few hours, days or weeks. It takes months and, in many cases, years to develop real credibility with someone.

In closing, let me clarify that yes, I do believe that in order to get referrals we need to ask. The key, however, is to know how to ask and when it is appropriate to make the request. When is the right time, you ask? The right time to ask for a referral is when BOTH parties are in the Credibility phase of the referral relationship. Networking should not be a system that ends up alienating your friends and family. Be conscious of the deposits you make into your relationships before you start “writing checks” or, in essence, ASKING for referrals from those you have relationships with.

I just posted a blog this past Monday on the “Seven Key Aptitudes of Abundance Intelligence,” as outlined by my good friend Kim George, and if you’d like to further your education on how to achieve and maintain an abundance mind-set, the perfect opportunity is coming up next week.

As one of the Expo’s speakers, I’m inviting you to be among the first to explore the Virtual Abundance Expo. From July 27-30, more than 12 of the the world’s thought leaders, teachers and inspirational luminaries will come to your home or office via the internet for an entire week.

You will hear from leaders such as Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Alex Mandossian, Marci Shimoff, Bill Harris, Scott Martineau, Lisa Nichols and more, all of whom will be sharing their wisdom and insight on creating more abundance in your life.

• Get any question answered about any abundance topic imaginable.

• Switch your mindset from scarcity to abundance in every area of your life

• Create a greater abundance mind-set and improve your happiness, performance, networks, thinking, marketing, finance, values, beliefs and every other important area of your life

Go to http://www.TheVirtualAbundanceExpo.com to sign up for the Virtual Abundance Expo.

Whenever I turn on the news these days, it seems the media are pushing all of us to embrace a scarcity mentality. Embracing a scarcity mentality, however, will get you nowhere; there couldn’t be anything more pointless and counterproductive than to let your thoughts focus on lack and worry.

Because of this, I’d like to explain a much more valuable concept–the concept of AQ (Abundance Intelligence™) which my good friend Kim George introduced in her 2006 book Coaching into Greatness: 4 Steps to Success in Business and Life. AQ is different from IQ (intelligence quotient) in that we measure a person’s ability to perform at his or her optimal level consistently and authentically.

AQ measures masterful people by their prevalence of abundance aptitudes, patterns and beliefs. Successful people of all types have a high AQ. They believe there’s more than enough to go around and that the proverbial glass is not only half full but overflowing. They accept that life is not always easy and doesn’t always follow the straight and convenient path, but they don’t fight changes in the world or the economy. Instead, they adapt to those changes.

Based on Kim’s in-depth work with hundreds of business owners, here are seven key aptitudes you should adopt to gain a high abundance intelligence and resist being bogged down by a scarcity mentality:

1. Self-worth. Abundant people understand their uniqueness and how they add value to their customers, their networking partners and others in their lives.

2. Empathy. Abundant people do their best to understand and serve their customers in any given situation, and they sustain themselves through tough times by networking with supportive friends who are able to provide reciprocal support empathically .

3. Self-expression. Abundant people are convinced that they are the best with whom to do business and they retain a professional posture of sticking to their personal standards, which pulls people to them.

4. Actualization. Abundunt people don’t sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen. They take action consistent with their skills and talents. They accept responsibility for their actions and don’t blame others for shortcomings. If they face a barrier, they ask for help and support to find an acceptable solution for all sides. They comfortably give and receive.

5. Significance. Abundant people are confident about their uniqueness, knowing they are the best person for a particular job. They demonstrate self-confidence when asking for business, building their social capital and following up.

6. Surrender. Abundant people don’t view surrender as a form of weakness, rather a sign of letting go of old habits, attitudes and behaviors that don’t serve them in a healthy way. They see potential opportunity in everything that passes by.

7. Inquiry. High Abundance Intelligence means high openness to other points of view. Uncertainty is a reason to thrive and be curious. Security in their curious and creative aptitude enables abundant people to move through all challenging situations. Learning while acting keeps them growing and improving while being pioneers in their industry.

Work the above characteristics into your own persona. Each of these abundant aptitudes contributes to purposeful actions and a well-defined goal orientation to the effort. Instead of being derailed by worrying about the past or the future, you will find inspiration and forward momentum in your immediate surroundings.

I was speaking throughout Japan last week to BNI networking groups and the public. Before leaving the country, I took my daughter to a little restaurant called Gonpachi, which was near the hotel we were staying at. It was a nice little place in Tokyo with great food and service, but what really got my attention was the reception we received when we entered the dining room. As we entered the room, one of the waitresses yelled “irasshaimasei!” Whereupon all the patrons joined in by yelling “irasshaimasei!” I asked my daughter, “What in the world?” are they yelling at us, to which she replied: “They are more or less saying, “Welcome to the restaurant!” I thought, wow, that’s pretty impressive. What a nice touch.

I sat back and watched as patrons flowed into the restaurant, and with each group of people the waitress and the patrons would yell out, “Welcome to the restaurant!” in Japanese. As people slowly trickled out of the restaurant, they yelled, “arigatou gozaimashita!” which means, “Thank you very much” to everyone as they left.

Isn’t that what a good networking group should be like? When you visit a networking organization and the members say (through their actions and words), “Welcome to our group” and “Thanks for visiting us” with enthusiasim and genuine interest, you just have to come back to the group again.

This truly is an important secret to a good network. Make visitors feel welcome! When people feel welcome, they want to come back.

OK, if you start yelling “irasshaimasei!” at them when they enter the room, you might not actually get the response I’m thinking about here but . . . you get the idea. Make people feel welcome, and they’ll return. That, my friends, is the sign of a great restaurant as well as a great networking group.

Membership in a good networking group can be worth a considerable amount of money. Especially if you calculate the time you spend each month and the business value of your time. Make your time and efforts worthwhile. Don’t squander your opportunity by doing the wrong things in those meetings!

Success in a networking group comes when the rest of the group members trust you enough to open up their best referrals to you. Until they’ve seen your work, you have to earn that trust by demonstrating your professionalism to them. Since I founded BNI almost 25 years ago, I’ve seen how people have truly succeeded in networks–and I’ve seen how people have totally wasted their time in them.

Here are the top 10 ways to waste your time in a networking group (avoid all of them):

No. 10. Go ahead, air your grievances among your fellow networkers and guests; after all, they really want to hear about your complaints.

No. 9. Wing it in your 60-second presentations; you’ve got plenty more chances anyway.

No. 8. Use one-to-one meetings to talk about your networking group’s issues instead of learning a lot more about each other.

No. 7. Focus your efforts on selling your services primarily to the members of the group.

No. 6. Don’t rush following up on a member’s referral. They know where you are.

No. 5. Use others’ 60-second presentation time to think about what referrals you can give that week.

No. 4. Why invite your own guests? Just focus on those who show up.

No. 3. Don’t worry if you get to the meeting late. No one will notice.

No. 2. Be absent; it’s no big deal. You can just call in your referrals . . . right?

And the No. 1 way to waste your time in networking groups . . .

No. 1. It’s OK, take that phone call or text message during a meeting. It won’t bother anyone, and it’s a real sign of professionalism that everyone admires.

So there it is–The Top 10 Ways to Waste Your Time in a Networking Group! Print this out. Memorize it. Share it with your fellow networking members. Above all–avoid these mistakes! You’ll get a lot more out of your group and so will your fellow members.

I’d love to hear some more ways that are big time wasters in a networking group. Please leave your comments below. Let’s add to this list.

Oh, and to visit a good networking group in your area, feel free to Click here.

When my daughter Cassie was only 10 years old, she made a little stick man, which she named “Bob,” from a small piece of red pipe cleaner and gave him to me. That’s Bob and me to the right by the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, last year.

Why is Bob in a picture with me, halfway across the world from my home, eight years after Cassie originally gave him to me?

Well, it all started when one of my business trips prevented me from attending a Girl Scout event that Cassie was participating in. I felt bad that I couldn’t make the event, so I took a photo of Bob and myself in the mirror at the hotel and sent it to Cassie, telling her Bob and I were thinking about her and congratulating her on her achievement. She liked it so much that I started sending photos of Bob whenever I could.

Throughout the years of travel, I have always stowed Bob safely in my briefcase and, whenever possible, I have someone take a picture of the two of us to send back to Cassie.  More often than not, I can immediately see what the heck is this guy’s deal? written across people’s faces when I ask if they’d mind taking a picture. Once I explain what the photo is for, however, it’s amazing how people’s responses change.

You see, one of the great things about running a successful international business is that you get to travel a lot. Yet one of the really bad things about running a successful international business is that you have to travel a lot . . . when you have small children, that can be a real challenge. People, especially those with children of their own, understand that. So when I explain the purpose of taking a picture with a goofy little man made out of pipe cleaner, people realize I’m not actually nuts after all and that Bob is really a family tradition that keeps me connected to my daughter.

The thing is, we can all take a lesson or two from Bob.

First off, Bob is a great example of how the smallest gestures can forge powerful connections between people.

I may not be able to be with my daughter at times when I want to be, but the simple gesture of sending her a picture of Bob and me keeps us connected. This same concept applies to keeping you connected with your networking contacts. You may not be able to attend every event you’re invited to or have lunch with every one of your contacts on a weekly basis, but you can find simple strategies to stay connected, such as giving them a quick call to check in or sending them a card.

Second, Bob is a terrific representation of why it is so important to explain the value you (and your business) bring to the table, and not to assume that people understand.

Think about it. When my unsuspecting “Bob photographers” initially respond to my request for a picture with my tiny red traveling companion, they see a man who probably belongs in a room with padded white walls, holding a contorted piece of pipe cleaner and smiling like it’s his best friend. Why do they react this way? Because they don’t understand the value Bob brings to the table as a powerful connector.

Once Bob’s specific purpose and role are explained in a way people can understand, his value is undeniable and people want to help me and applaud my dedication to my family. This is the same with explaining the value you and your business present to your networking partners–assuming people know the value you bring to the table is simply to leave money on the table every day.

Cassie is now about to turn 18, and she graduated from high school last week. She’s off to college in September, but I still plan on sending her photos of Bob and me as we travel around the world.

Bob’s looking a little worn with his travels (and I guess I am, too), but as long as I’m on the road, Bob will continue to be my traveling companion, Cassie will see evidence of our adventures, and she will always know we’re thinking of her as we travel the globe.

For more photos of Bob and me, go to: Facebook Photos of Bob.