Networking Now:

Membership in a good networking group can be worth a considerable amount of money. Especially if you calculate the time you spend each month and the business value of your time. Make your time and efforts worthwhile. Don’t squander your opportunity by doing the wrong things in those meetings!

Success in a networking group comes when the rest of the group members trust you enough to open up their best referrals to you. Until they’ve seen your work, you have to earn that trust by demonstrating your professionalism to them. Since I founded BNI almost 25 years ago, I’ve seen how people have truly succeeded in networks–and I’ve seen how people have totally wasted their time in them.

Here are the top 10 ways to waste your time in a networking group (avoid all of them):

No. 10. Go ahead, air your grievances among your fellow networkers and guests; after all, they really want to hear about your complaints.

No. 9. Wing it in your 60-second presentations; you’ve got plenty more chances anyway.

No. 8. Use one-to-one meetings to talk about your networking group’s issues instead of learning a lot more about each other.

No. 7. Focus your efforts on selling your services primarily to the members of the group.

No. 6. Don’t rush following up on a member’s referral. They know where you are.

No. 5. Use others’ 60-second presentation time to think about what referrals you can give that week.

No. 4. Why invite your own guests? Just focus on those who show up.

No. 3. Don’t worry if you get to the meeting late. No one will notice.

No. 2. Be absent; it’s no big deal. You can just call in your referrals . . . right?

And the No. 1 way to waste your time in networking groups . . .

No. 1. It’s OK, take that phone call or text message during a meeting. It won’t bother anyone, and it’s a real sign of professionalism that everyone admires.

So there it is–The Top 10 Ways to Waste Your Time in a Networking Group! Print this out. Memorize it. Share it with your fellow networking members. Above all–avoid these mistakes! You’ll get a lot more out of your group and so will your fellow members.

I’d love to hear some more ways that are big time wasters in a networking group. Please leave your comments below. Let’s add to this list.

Oh, and to visit a good networking group in your area, feel free to Click here.

When my daughter Cassie was only 10 years old, she made a little stick man, which she named “Bob,” from a small piece of red pipe cleaner and gave him to me. That’s Bob and me to the right by the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, last year.

Why is Bob in a picture with me, halfway across the world from my home, eight years after Cassie originally gave him to me?

Well, it all started when one of my business trips prevented me from attending a Girl Scout event that Cassie was participating in. I felt bad that I couldn’t make the event, so I took a photo of Bob and myself in the mirror at the hotel and sent it to Cassie, telling her Bob and I were thinking about her and congratulating her on her achievement. She liked it so much that I started sending photos of Bob whenever I could.

Throughout the years of travel, I have always stowed Bob safely in my briefcase and, whenever possible, I have someone take a picture of the two of us to send back to Cassie.  More often than not, I can immediately see what the heck is this guy’s deal? written across people’s faces when I ask if they’d mind taking a picture. Once I explain what the photo is for, however, it’s amazing how people’s responses change.

You see, one of the great things about running a successful international business is that you get to travel a lot. Yet one of the really bad things about running a successful international business is that you have to travel a lot . . . when you have small children, that can be a real challenge. People, especially those with children of their own, understand that. So when I explain the purpose of taking a picture with a goofy little man made out of pipe cleaner, people realize I’m not actually nuts after all and that Bob is really a family tradition that keeps me connected to my daughter.

The thing is, we can all take a lesson or two from Bob.

First off, Bob is a great example of how the smallest gestures can forge powerful connections between people.

I may not be able to be with my daughter at times when I want to be, but the simple gesture of sending her a picture of Bob and me keeps us connected. This same concept applies to keeping you connected with your networking contacts. You may not be able to attend every event you’re invited to or have lunch with every one of your contacts on a weekly basis, but you can find simple strategies to stay connected, such as giving them a quick call to check in or sending them a card.

Second, Bob is a terrific representation of why it is so important to explain the value you (and your business) bring to the table, and not to assume that people understand.

Think about it. When my unsuspecting “Bob photographers” initially respond to my request for a picture with my tiny red traveling companion, they see a man who probably belongs in a room with padded white walls, holding a contorted piece of pipe cleaner and smiling like it’s his best friend. Why do they react this way? Because they don’t understand the value Bob brings to the table as a powerful connector.

Once Bob’s specific purpose and role are explained in a way people can understand, his value is undeniable and people want to help me and applaud my dedication to my family. This is the same with explaining the value you and your business present to your networking partners–assuming people know the value you bring to the table is simply to leave money on the table every day.

Cassie is now about to turn 18, and she graduated from high school last week. She’s off to college in September, but I still plan on sending her photos of Bob and me as we travel around the world.

Bob’s looking a little worn with his travels (and I guess I am, too), but as long as I’m on the road, Bob will continue to be my traveling companion, Cassie will see evidence of our adventures, and she will always know we’re thinking of her as we travel the globe.

For more photos of Bob and me, go to: Facebook Photos of Bob.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my employees attended the launch of my friend Keith Ferrazzi’s new book, Who’s Got Your Back, and she came into the office the next day raving about the presentation Keith had given. “You would have loved it,” she said. “He talked all about how success is created by developing relationships based on trust and how important accountability is to achieving goals–his stuff is right on point with everything you emphasize that effective networkers do.  Plus, the stories he told to illustrate his key points were really, really powerful!”

I’ve known Keith for quite a few years now, and I wasn’t at all surprised to hear that he gave a great presentation. After all, not only is he an extremely interesting guy, he’s the epitome of a master networker. He has one of the most diverse group of contacts of anyone I’ve ever known, and his first book, Never Eat Alone, is a bestseller. After I read Never Eat Alone, I found myself constantly referring to it in conversation and recommending it to people. Who’s Got Your Back is just as influential, and I have no doubt that it’s on its way to becoming Keith’s second bestseller.

No matter what it is you want to achieve, building relationships with the right people–people you trust who will hold you accountable so you can’t fail–is the strategy for success. With this new book, Keith offers the blueprint for accomplishing any goal.  It’s a must-read for anyone wondering how to develop meaningful relationships through their networking efforts.  If you aspire to achieve more in business and life, Who’s Got Your Back outlines some imperative strategies to get to where you want to be.

To learn more about Who’s Got Your Back, click here.

Also, Keith is currently traveling throughout the U.S. promoting the book. If you’re able to catch one of his presentations, I can assure you that you won’t be disappointed.  You can find out the exact cities and dates of his book tour by clicking here.     

There seems to be a new trend in keeping appointments that I was completely unaware of until recently. You see, I’ve always operated under the assumption that when I set an appointment with someone for a meeting, a lunch or some kind of face-to-face engagement, it is presumed I’m going to be there unless I notify them otherwise.  However, it has recently come to my attention that I’m apparently no longer safe in assuming that this is the case. 

Just last week, I received a frantic call from a man who had confirmed a lunch meeting with me a few weeks ago.  He called because he seemed uncertain if we were still on for lunch.  On a side note, I find it quite interesting that when he called, he was 90 minutes away from our meeting destination and our lunch meeting was supposed to start in 30 minutes!

More and more, I am experiencing scenarios very similar to this, and the emerging trend I’m beginning to see is that if you schedule an appointment and don’t hear from the other party again before the scheduled date, this means that the appointment has been magically and mysteriously canceled by the appointment fairies.

I’m not alone in this either . . . my wife, Beth, had the same experience last week with a group of ladies she was planning a brunch for.  “When I didn’t hear from you over the weekend, I presumed it was off,” she was told by one of the five ladies who didn’t show up.

When did this start happening?  Did I miss the memo?  Maybe it’s tied to the “reminder call” system that most of my doctors are using now.  The front desk now has the task of calling clients a day or two before their appointment to remind them that the doctor is expecting them at such and such a time. (Beth told me that spas and beauty salons are now doing this same thing, but I can’t really vouch for that since my personal experience in that area amounts to none.)  If doctors didn’t have the front desk call me to remind me of my appointment and I went ahead and presumed my appointment was canceled as a result, I wonder if they would waive the no-show fee when I didn’t show up?  Hmmm . . . I doubt it.

So—I am hereby stating for the record—if you set an appointment with me, it’s firm unless you hear otherwise.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a new trend coming on when it comes to appointment protocol . . . can someone please send a memo? (I must have missed the last one.)

While I was in Stockholm giving a presentation on networking recently, a European newspaper reporter with a major publication arranged to do an interview with me. Upon arrival, he really started putting me on the spot about online networking, telling me it is replacing the face-to-face process. He was almost militant in expressing his point of view and was essentially telling me that traditional networking is going the way of the buggy whip. Honestly, I was surprised and a little annoyed at first that this reporter was being so confrontational about networking and I finally asked him:

“Why are you here to do this interview?”

He seemed confused and asked, “What do you mean?”

I said, “I mean, why did you drive all the way out here to this big stadium to meet with me in person just to do this interview? We could have easily done it by phone.”

He looked at me and said, “Interviews are better face-to-face.”

“Exactly! I rest my case,” I replied. “Networking is much the same . . . it beats communicating online, or over the phone, because nothing can ever fully replace an in-person conversation.”

The reporter relented. “Yeah, I get it,” he said, “that makes sense. Some things are much better in person. It’s true.”

Some things are just better in person. Networking is one of them. This doesn’t mean that online networking isn’t valuable–far from it. Online networking is a powerful tool in our arsenal of networking strategies. However, it shouldn’t be the only tool we use because sometimes it’s simply not the best one. For me, the bottom line regarding face-to-face networking vs. online networking is that I don’t think it should be an “either-or” scenario; I think it should be a “both-and” scenario if you want to build a strong personal network.

Until the time comes when we can have a face-to-face meeting with a holographic image like the Jedi Knights of Star Wars, it’s probably still a good idea to network in person whenever possible.

By the way, when the world advances to a point where we can do the “Star Wars Networking” thing, I have dibs on being Obi-Wan Kenobi. Come on, it only makes sense.  You have to admit you see the resemblance, right?  I mean, if you slap a dashing smile on his face, we’re practically brothers!  OK, OK . . . maybe I went too far with the “dashing smile” bit, but just remember that I called dibs first.

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OK, if you don’t know what “OMG” means, ask a teenager (that’s how I learned what it meant).  Now let’s talk about the introvert thing.

My wife and I were having a relaxing dinner one night recently.  We were sitting around the kitchen table talking when I made some off-handed comment about being an extrovert (it fit into the context of the conversation).  She looked over at me and said, “Uhh, honey, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an introvert.”  I smiled and said, “Yeah, sure, I’m an introvert (insert laugh track here).”   She then looked at me quite earnestly and said, “No, really you’re an introvert.”  I protested strongly.  I said, “Come on, I’m a public speaker and founder of the world’s largest networking organization–I’m not an introvert!  I can’t be.  I mean, you’re joking, right?”  She absolutely insisted that I was an introvert and proceeded to share with me all the ways that I have introverted tendencies.  Well, I have to admit I was taken back by this.  All the examples she gave were true, but I still couldn’t believe I am an introvert.  On the other hand, we’ve been married for 20 years. I mean, there’s a chance she might actually know me pretty well.

So off I went the next day to do some research.  I did an internet search and found a test that tells you whether you are an introvert or extrovert.  Was I in for a shock.  The test said that I was a “situational extrovert!”  It explained that I was something of a loner who was reserved around strangers but very outgoing in the right context.  It was at that moment that I said, “OMG, I’m an introvert!?” 

In the haze of my surprise, some very important things came into clarity for me.  It struck me why I started the BNI networking organization more than two decades ago.  I was naturally uncomfortable meeting new people. This approach created a “system” that enabled me to meet people in an organized, structured, networking environment that did not require that I actually ”talk to strangers.”  OMG, I’m an introvert!

When I visit regions of BNI, I ask my director to have someone walk me around and introduce me to visitors and members so that I can connect with as many people as possible.  But in reality, it’s because I’m uncomfortable walking around introducing myself alone.  OMG, I’m an introvert!

I realized that the whole notion of “acting like the host, not the guest” and volunteering to be the ambassador at a chamber event or the visitor host at a BNI group were all the ways I used to move around more comfortably at networking events, not just ways that I recommended for those poor introverts out there to network.  OMG, I am an introvert.

Who would have thought? Well, OK, besides my lovely wife.  Now more than ever, I truly believe that whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you can be good at networking.  Both have strengths and weaknesses.  If you can find ways to enhance your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, anyone can be a great networker.

How about you?  Are you an introvert or an extrovert, and how do you use that in your networking?

As I was playing chess during my lunch hour yesterday and mercilessly dominating the game (Norm, BNI’s CEO, who I was playing against might possibly tell a different story but don’t believe him . . . after all, this is my blog), I was struck by the thought of how valuable of an experience it was when I coached my son’s school chess club a few years back.

It’s common knowledge that if you want to improve your skill, then you should teach someone else.  By teaching young people the rudiments of chess strategy, it inevitably made me focus on improving my own game.  It’s the same with networking.  When you become a networking mentor for someone else, it will improve your networking skills by acting as a refresher for what you’ve learned and it gets you to refocus your efforts on areas you may have forgotten. 

Perhaps there is someone who already considers you a mentor, or maybe you know someone you’d like to mentor–someone who reminds you of yourself when you were just getting started in business.  If so, don’t let the opportunity to be an active mentor pass you by.    When you selflessly share your wealth of knowledge to help others succeed and help them avoid making the same mistakes you made, not only will they benefit greatly but so will you.

Do you have an inspiring story about someone who has been a mentor to you, or someone that you’ve mentored?  If so, leave a comment and share it with everyone else.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make in networking is to dismiss someone too early, to assume that he or she has nothing to offer you because of his or her professional background or some other reason, and not pursue the relationship.  Unfortunately, I see this happen a lot.

The truth is, you simply never know where your next great referral is going to come from.  You should make it a point to consistently connect with high-quality professionals from all fields, from any and every background. Forget about trying to contact the VPs and high-level executives–they don’t want to hear another sales pitch. But any professional who is good at what he or she does will be well-connected to other highly successful businesspeople.

Take my painting contractor, for example. Through his work he has come to know A-list Hollywood celebrities, among many other affluent people. He’s one of the most connected people I know.

I have a favorite story, which I think illustrates this point perfectly.  In this case, a multimillion-dollar referral (one of the biggest I’ve seen recently) was given by a dentist in Malaysia. She briefly shut down her practice to attend a networking conference. When she reopened, one of her clients asked her about the conference and, as a result, she was able to connect the client with someone she’d met at the conference–which led to the the multimillion dollar referral.

If you want to hear the details of this powerful story, watch my latest show on yourBusinessChannel.com.

By the way, my shows on yourBusinessChannel are related to my involvement in the Million Dollar Challenge.  The Million Dollar Challenge invites promising businesses across the globe to take the challenge and have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to transform their business and skyrocket it into success with a team of acclaimed business experts.  CLICK HERE to find out more.

In Southern California we have many huge, tall, lush eucalyptus trees that topple over fairly easily in the high winds that occur almost every year.  When they’re uprooted and blown over, you can see that their root system is broad and wide but not very deep.  I think this is a powerful metaphor for what to consider in building your personal network.  To go deep in establishing your network, you can do three things:

1.  Build quality relationships. Take time beyond normal business interactions to deepen your relationships with referral sources.  Invite them to social functions, learn their hobbies and interests, and help them pursue their personal goals.

2.  Network in new places. Other than your strong–and casual–contact groups, look for new areas to find partners with common interests, such as charitable organizations and professional support groups.  Don’t prospect right away; let the relationships mature.

3.  Focus on others. Rather than having a “What’s in it for me?” mind-set, ask yourself, What can I do for this person?  Continually look for ways to bring business and benefits to others in any group you’re a part of.  Make yourself known as the person who always has something for others.  This is a powerful way to both deepen and broaden your network.

If your network is a mile wide and an inch deep, it will not hold up in the winds of today’s economy.  Go deep in building relationships and you’ll do well in these challenging times.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please leave a comment.

Lately, I’ve observed a few networking blunders occurring that have reminded me of the importance of what Tony Allessandra calls the Platinum Rule. Most of us are familiar with the Golden Rule (”Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”), but to network effectively, you’ve got to be relationship-based, so you need to use the Platinum Rule–not only with your referral source, but also with the prospect.

There are three people involved in a referral: 1. You. You need to know how you work best and where your strengths and weaknesses lie.  2. The referral source. How does this person like to communicate? How does he like to be treated? If you want him to help you, you’ve got to treat him the way he wants to be treated.  3. The prospect.  How does the prospect like to be sold to?  What’s the best way to communicate with the prospect?

Strive to be adaptable and accommodate the behavioral style of your source when you’re working with him or her, and of your prospect when you’ve been put in touch with him. If you seek to find out how people want to be treated and then treat them that way, you won’t make the mistake of assuming everyone likes the same things you do. Looking for a fast way to destroy a budding relationship? Assume that your client or referral partner enjoys deep-sea fishing as avidly as you do and insist that he come along on your next Old Man and the Sea adventure. Then watch as he turns green and hugs the rail of the boat the entire day.

By learning about the other person’s goals, accomplishments, interests, networks and skills, you can establish the groundwork for a smooth-running referral relationship from the start.  All of these factors together will tell you the best way to communicate and what to talk about.

The Top 10 Sales Articles site, an initiative of The Sales Corporation , provides a single location where time-strapped sales leaders, sales professionals and publishers can locate the top sales articles published every week.

Each week The Sales Corporation selects the very best sales articles from the major article sites, which have been written by top sales experts from around the world. It culls through articles until it finds the 10 best pieces of sales advice, and then each Sunday it announces the Sales Article of the Week.  The weekly winners compete for monthly honors and ultimately the Top Sales Article of the Year.

In March of this year, salesopedia published an article of mine entitled “The 10 Commandments of Networking.”

The article was picked up by The Sales Corporation and it has been nominated, along with 11 other articles written by different sales experts, to compete in the running for the title of the #1 Sales Article of the Year.

To vote for The 10 Commandments… article or one of the other selections, please click on the graphic to the right:

If you voted, I’d love to hear what you thought of the article.  Please leave a comment below.

At the BNI International Conference in Long Beach this past November, I had a great conversation with my business partner in the Referral Institute, Mike Macedonio (pictured to the right).  He was explaining why he feels there are only a few criteria that must be met to make people referrable by him.

The first criterion is that the individual is must be an expert at what he or she does.  He looks for people who have invested in learning their trade and continue to invest to master their trade.  Do they specialize in a certain area?  What achievements have they attained in their area of expertise?

Another one of Mike’s requirements is that the person is passionate about what he or she does.  This, especially, makes a lot of sense to me because if you’re not passionate about what you do, how could you expect other people to get excited about working on your behalf?

Mike’s last criterion stipulates that the person he is referring understands and honors the referral process.  More specifically, Mike wants to ensure that the person receiving the referral understands his or her number-one responsibility.  To quote Mike, “The number-one responsibility when you receive a referral is to make the person who gave you the referral look great.”  As long as the people Mike gives referrals to are doing this for him, Mike can remain confident that his reputation will be protected.  It also compels him to continue giving these people referrals.

Mike’s list of qualifications that make a person referrable is short, yet very powerful.  After discussing it, we both agreed that we should expect others to evaluate our referrability by these same criteria.  Are we invested experts, and do we continue to invest in our trade?  Are we passionate about what we do?  Are we practicing what we preach?  Do we make our referral sources look great?  I’m glad to say that I’m confident we both do all of these things.

So what makes people referrable by you?  I’m sure many of you have some great ideas in response to this. I’d love to hear them, so please feel free to leave a comment.